Narcissistic Personality Disorder: How Do Narcissists Spy On You?

Do you feel like someone you know is spying on you? Do you have a narcissistic spouse/partner who loves to exert their control and dominance over you? 

If the answer to these questions is “yes,” they could have narcissistic personality disorder. In order to maintain a facade of superiority, narcissists often resort to intrusively spying on their partners.

I had to deal with a narcissistic admirer during my third year in college who didn’t understand personal boundaries and stalked me non-stop. I’ll be sharing all the ways he spied on me in this guide. By the end, you’ll know more about how narcissists can spy on you.

Key Takeaways 

• Spying is an abusive trait and a part of narcissistic abuse.
• Narcissists will go to any length to keep tabs on you, including using your family, friends, or hidden spy apps.
• A narcissistic partner may not stop spying on you until you take the necessary actions.

3 Proven Ways Narcissists Spy On You

Narcissists are experts at spying and trying to be in charge of your life. They do this in several ways, so let’s discuss them further below.

Using Technology Like Spy Cameras/Recording Devices/Spy Apps

A narcissistic spouse/partner can place a hidden spy camera, baby monitor, or a pet monitoring device in specific areas of your house without informing you, just to spy on you. Even if they do inform you, their reason will most likely be that they’re installing them for security purposes. In fact, they want to monitor everything you do in the house. 

Furthermore, your narcissistic spouse/partner might give you some object that contains a hidden recording device, making it easy for them to stealthily spy on you. My narcissistic admirer once gifted me a pen that contained a hidden spy voice recording device. It was quite beautiful and fancy, so I didn’t even consider it could actually be a tool for spying. 

Unbeknownst to me, it was a voice recorder that he used to listen to all my conversations in class and every other place I visited with the pen. So, that keychain or ballpoint pen on your shelf may actually be a digital monitoring device that your partner is using to spy on you. 

Additionally, if your narcissistic partner has access to your phone, they could install a spy app, such as uMobix or mSpy, to check if you visit dating sites, track your location, or steal passwords saved on your apps.

Through Family Members & Friends

Most times, narcissists do not work alone – they have accomplices. Ever heard of narcissists’ “flying monkeys?” Let me tell you about them. Narcissists’ flying monkeys are people that narcissists use to spy, bully, or intimidate you. It could be your friends, family members, or co-workers. All your narcissistic spouse/partner needs to do is get close to them to gather information or pay them to spy on you. 

To narcissists, having your close allies as their flying monkeys helps them get firsthand information about your every move without raising any suspicions. This is because they know you’re naturally less likely to suspect that your friend or family member is spying on you. 

In my case, my narcissistic admirer used my friend as his flying monkey. He frequently interacted with my friend, which I didn’t consider an issue at the time as I felt we could all be mutual friends. However, unbeknownst to me, my friend was divulging a ton of information I shared with him to this admirer. 

My narcissistic admirer kept bringing up topics and incidents that I had discussed privately with my friend. My friend was the only one who knew these details about me. So, it was obvious that this narcissistic admirer was using my friend as his flying monkey. 

Through Your Social Media Accounts 

Social media gives narcissists the opportunity to stalk or spy on their prey stealthily using different identities. Likewise, your narcissistic spouse/partner may be spying on you via your social media accounts, checking your followers, posts, and comments. They may even create a false identity (create a dummy account) on a social media platform to flirt with you to see if you’re loyal to them. 

While I was still in contact with my narcissistic admirer, I constantly received flirty comments and messages on my Facebook account from a certain account with a weird name and no profile/cover picture. I couldn’t figure out who it was until I wanted to log in to my Facebook account via my admirer’s device and saw the same profile that had been stalking/spying on me logged in on the app.

I asked him about it, but he abruptly dismissed the conversation and never gave me an answer to what the account was doing on his phone and what he used it for. This is all I needed to know that he was the one using the account to monitor my Facebook activity. 

FAQs 

Spying Is A Form Of Narcissistic Abuse

Spying is a form of narcissistic abuse. A narcissist spying on you is invading your privacy and abusing your right to association and to live freely. I couldn’t do things normally and was scared for my life all through the period my narcissistic admirer was spying on me. Thankfully, I took the necessary actions to put an end to his shenanigans.

So, if you notice your narcissistic spouse/partner is spying on you, do the following:

• Tell someone you trust, like a friend or family member, about your narcissistic relationship.
• Inform the authorities in your area. 

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